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Deciding to actually drop out

“Roll the dice by Charles Bukowski,” was the poem that made me commit to my decision and hold myself accountable in deciding to drop out.

As I woke up to a beautiful morning in Huntington on the 20th of February, I reached for my phone to scroll through my Instagram. An account by the name of Lex Fridman popped up. He was a guest speaker on the Joe Rogan Experience, and decided to end the podcast with a poem.

The first line is all it took for me. “You’re going to do it. Do it Paris!” Repeatedly, over and over as I pace back and forth in my hotel room. I had to commit, it was time to hold myself accountable to the things that I’ve been wanting to do. This was the biggest risk I would ever take in my life. I was supposed to graduate this December (2020). The plan was that I would start on all of this AFTER I graduated. But if I knew my degree would never be used in the first place, what’s really the big deal? Why shouldn’t I just start now?          

There was another post that popped up that same morning. “As long as you believe in yourself, there will always be a path for you.” Another positive affirmation, another thought that this could actually be a reality. All I had to do was to step forward and DO IT. Drop my classes and never step foot again.

I think 30 minutes into my drive home, I decided to listen to that poem again. This time it hit hard and I was balling my eyes out. I was relieved and a weight was taken off my shoulders. The fact that from staying 2 extra days in a place I love, gave me this much confidence to commit to what I’ve always wanted to do. To quit college, and pursue becoming an entrepreneur.

 “If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. If you’re going to try, go all the way. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind. Go all the way. It could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail, it could mean derision, mockery, isolation. Isolation if the gift, all the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And you’ll do it. Despite rejection and the worst odds and it will be greater than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods and the nights will flame with fire. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. All the way, all the way. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter, it’s the only good fight there is.” – Charles Bukowski 

On February 21st, 1133am is when I officially withdrew from all my classes. 10 months away from graduating.